Womanhood

Womanhood

There seems to be much confusion in the world about gender & what it means to be a woman. Here are some of my thoughts. I will preface my remarks with letting you know I am not a Dr. or a psychologist (though I have many friends & people I talk to tell me I should be... so I’m a self taught closet psychologist at best). But I also happen to be a female, from birth, through puberty and childbirth and now into middle age.

Before anyone tries to redefine what a female is... this is the definition- 
fe·male

ˈfēˌmāl/

adjective

1. 1. 

   of or denoting the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs, distinguished biologically by the production of gametes (ova) that can be fertilized by male gametes.

We see in the world that people think they can just change their gender because they ‘feel’ like they should, they feel weird in their body. Having a body is an adjustment for all of us when we are born and some are more comfortable in theirs than others... but I am going to try to explain how it is impossible to change into a woman, for real. I know very little other than my familial and friendship relationships with men about what it means or feels like to be a man, so I will leave that up to someone else. 

First- the only change a male can make to try to remold themselves into a woman is superficially. Change their hair, put some makeup on, get a mani pedi, or if you’re as wealthy as Bruce Jenner is you can have yourself sculpted into a very close representation of a woman that can fool most people you may meet on the street who have never heard of you, and they would never know the difference. But what they may fail to realize is that this behavior even when performed by women is NOT what makes a woman a woman, its all smoke and mirrors. It’s all used to seduce or manipulate our senses and distract us from what is behind the mask. 

I am a very visual person so I understand the power that images have on us. Truth is anyone will look good with a little paint on.... and of course... good lighting and flattering angles (that’s the photographer in me speaking:)) 

But what about the argument ‘but I feel like a woman’... What does that mean? how can you possibly know what it means to feel like a woman? You like pink? dresses? pretty things? or men? Sorry, nope, that doesn’t make you a woman either.

It doesn’t seem right to be able to simply change your appearance, take some hormones and say I am now one of the girls, because the truth is there are things you can NEVER change, never experience, and never be able to relate to another woman about. 

There’s a monthly cycle that throws your body and emotions into a tailspin and turns your body inside out. (THAT is part of what it means to be a woman) why anyone would want to do that to themselves.. I don’t know. But to trying to be part of the club and not having to deal with that, just doesn’t seem right.

Then theres the whole point of what that cycle is for. To create life with a male partner. That is part of what it means to be a woman. People can deny it & avoid it but it is there- every month reminding you.. unless you have used drugs to mask it, deny it, avoid it & make it go away... but it still an inherent part of what makes one a female. 

Next is pregnancy, the amazing miracle that occurs from the union of a male and female together. To feel life growing in you. Some woman have easy pregnancies and other make HUGE sacrifices through sickness and bed rest for 9 months so their babies can be born. Not to mention childbirth, even there, women try to numb themselves from the experience, but it is a natural occurrence all over the world even where they have no drugs or sterile environments. Real women are experiencing it every day. Try that experience on an see if you want to be a woman. I don’t think we get to pick and choose what part of a gender we want to be? It’s not pretty & we don’t do it wearing high heels... But it is a miracle and a gift and why we are all here... unless you came from a petri dish, which I know is the wave of the future...

Then there is the miracle of mothers milk, you can never experience how your body makes exactly what your child needs for the first year of their life and the oxytocin that comes from the shared experience between you and your child. 

Before and after children are born women are driven to nurture beautify and heal, it is inherent in who they are. Those qualities create strong foundations for homes and families.

The substance of a woman comes from what she creates, gives, how she loves, how she heals and teaches (these characteristics ARE gender neutral, you don’t have to become a woman to do them...)

The question is can we see past the mask, do we want to see past the mask or are we just happy living in an imaginary reality. 

I haven’t mentioned God yet because even the mention of his name will get people defensive, but to me His breath and creation flows through everything that I have mentioned. It is a miracle to be a woman, that comes with unique challenges, experiences and opportunities that cannot be fabricated, to do so dilutes the very essence of womanhood... Womanhood and Motherhood are inseparably connected.

Gramcracker

I thought this would be a good way to say thank you to everyone 

who supported me through the loss of my grandmother. 

This blog entry is a way to share how we chose to remember and

celebrate her life.

To have known her was to know that she loved everything about 

the sea...

 

We stayed at a hotel on the beach and woke up before sunrise to have our little intimate ceremony. What we did was write letters about her and put them in a bottle to throw out to sea, so whom ever found the bottle could read how special she was to us. Then I simply wrote in the sand and placed some beautiful fragrant lilies on the sand that could be washed out to sea with the incoming tide. At sunrise I read my letter that I wrote and we threw the bottle.

 It was special because just as we were having our ceremony dolphins swam in the surf right in front of us. 

My letter...

Recently, we lost someone very special to us, I call her Gramcracker. (it’s a nick name I chose for her about 20 years ago and the rest of the family adopted it too). Her given name was Marion Rosalind Wescott, and she went by Lynn Austin. She was born September 23, 1915. She lived a full an happy life and she was the first person to remind you of that until her last breath. I will miss having her here, where I can call her and speak to her and hold her. 

There might be many people that could tell you about her amazing life, because she had a life full of adventure and drama and a little romance, but I want to tell you a little about what my Gramcracker meant to me and what she taught me; By the time I was born most of the drama and adventure and romance had settled itself, as sand settles itself on the ocean floor after the waves pass by. 

She taught me about Family... Gramcracker loved her family. There was a time in her life when she had to make a conscious choice about wether to have children, and she made that choice. That choice brought change and some heartache for her but she never regretted that decision because her children meant the world to her. She may not have showed her love the way typical American mother do with cookies and apple pie and trips to the ballpark, but she showed it in many ways, perhaps they can tell you about that. I am her granddaughter and I will tell you about how she showed her love to me. Every summer since I can remember she would pick me up from my parents and take me with her to Baja California, we would drive down the coast in her winnabego listening to Camelot and my Fair Lady on the 8 track. At night I would sleep next to her in the bed in back, One night she wacked me awake because I apparently was a little to restless and had hit her in my sleep. One summer we made the trip in a bitty pinto, just she and I and when we got to the grapevine in California where the tempatures can be scorching we stopped and bought bags of ice to put on us as we made our way through the mountains. My grandmother could have had other things to do or people to see, because she had a business, friends and money, but I knew that I was important to her because of the time she always took to be with me and make sure we were together each year. Those memories are priceless to me, and I will forever be grateful for the lessons they taught me about family. 

People... She taught me that people are more important than things. People were drawn to her and she had

friends where ever she went. 

Things... She taught me that people were more important than things. 

Nature... She loved Shells... actually anything to do with the ocean. She loved flowers... and she loved her

dogs... She taught me to love nature, through her love of nature and through taking me on sailing trips 

and to remote beaches where I could feel the peace and witness the beauty of nature for myself. 

Work... She taught me about work. She had all the monetary things she could ever need in life, but she was never idle or indulgent. She was always looking for something to create and give back. It’s hard to remember all the things she did but to name a few she had a clothing line that she sewed and fabric that she designed, she had a floral shop, owned a hotel, had multiple shell shops and until she was 91 she sewed place mats just about every day to sell at local craft markets. 

Food... She appreciated good food some of her favorite foods were. Thai, Japanese, sea, ice cream, fruit.

Money... I wish I could have learned more from her about money because she never let it control her...  but the lessons she taught me about money from her example are, that it’s not the most important thing. She had more than she needed, but she was one of the most frugal people I know. 

She wasn’t perfect as none of us are but she was a wonderful example to me of preserverance and strength. She was independent, stubborn and opinionated and I loved her for it. We didn’t always see eye to eye about everything but our love for each other was stronger than any differences in opinion we may have had. I owe so much of who I am to her and the role she played in my life. I am forever grateful to have had my Gramcracker.

I am blessed to have a strong faith about where we go when we die as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I am confident that she is in a good place. I know that God is merciful and loving because he is merciful and loving to me continually, when I look to him for strength. I look forward to seeing my grandmother again.

Sherry Eden Marshall

Thank you again for all your love and support!

No time to scrapbook so a blog it is.

Our life is fuller than I could have ever imagined or dreamt it could or would be. With kids and a career running out of the same home. It all just makes life a bit fuller and more interesting... at least that's what I tell myself when I am up late finishing a job or cleaning the kitchen floor. I am trying to get better at separating the two and I have created two different blogs one for work and one for family... Yeah that will help.

School starts on Monday and there is some new excitement about it all. We are entering the tween zone & the relm of middle school at our house. At first it seemed a bit daunting with the swarm of cars at the orientation, not quite the same as our tiny elementary we have been used to for the past 6 years. Caleb is a bit nervous which I am not used to seeing. Rose on the other hand was ready to join Caleb in Middle School once she saw all the big girls bopping through the halls. Look out world! Isaac's eyes got as big as saucers when he saw the HUGE stack of books on his desk, but he is ready to go for it.